It's all here...

6:24pm: Friday was James's Birthday. It's hard to belive that He would have been 16. That I would have a 16 year old brother....

3:17pm:

So I haven't updated in a little while. I'v been busy w/work kinda, then the Holiday. I'v also been sick like what! Ahhh it's starting to make me go crazy....Okay maybe not. Anyway...

 

I'm getting ready for LA. I'm praying like what! But I can not wait till I go. I'm so excited......woot woot!(< as Steph would say!!!!)

 

I can't belive I just woke up! I never wake up this late.  I'm always doing something. But it's pretty nice sleeping in. I havent slept in in a very long time. But then again everymorning I have a hard time gettin up in the morning. I am NOT a morning person. You would think, even after one full year sence I'v been in high school, and I'v been working in the morning ever since...I'd have to be a morning person....absoultly not! haha

 

So my sister hasnt had her baby yet. I bet on the 10th, which is tomorrow and I just called her and she is goin to Great Lakes crossing...so yeah...I dont think im gunna win the bet. Actually how funny is that. I have a bet goin w/my other sister Jamie about when she is gunna have her baby!

 

Anyway...I should get ready for the day....bye for now!

6:43pm:

My Uncle Corky passed last week and his service was yesterday. It was really sad. I tried not to cry and to be strong for my cousins, all I could do is hold my Dad's hand tight, praying I wont have to go through loosing my father at a young age, as many friends I know, have gone thourgh that.

I'm so greatfull my father and I get along now and are close again. He sees that I'm growing up, and I as well know that you cant hold a grudge forever. I came to realise this the day I waiting ...for the doctors to say that my dad was goin to be ok. But anyone cant help the thoughts of "what ifs"...and it made me sad...so many things that i always held back from saying..that needed to be said.

Guys, mistakes are mistakes. Dont hate someone or not love someone for things they did in the past...our father God forgives us as well as you should forive....no matter what the nature of the mistake is. So....Love...and...charish every single waking moment you have to spend with them, befor it's too late.

 

Now you can Rest In Peace Uncle Cork

 

 

 

Also...My thoughts and prayers go out to Andrew.... and his family and friends.

9:30pm:

So great new...

 

I'm engaged!

 

I LOVE JASON W. DIMOND!!!!

6:09pm:

No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
And no one knows
What it's like to be hated
To be fated to telling only lies


But my dreams they aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free

No one knows what its like
To feel these feelings
Like i do, and i blame you!
No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through



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No one knows what its like
To be mistreated, to be defeated
Behind blue eyes
No one knows how to say
That they're sorry and don't worry
I'm not telling lies



No one knows what its like
To be the bad man, to be the sad man
Behind blue eyes.

9:22pm: pRETTY sOON!!!!!

I'm at my sister's house right now. I'm always over here. I have a few homes. But I like it that way. I was just swimming with Melissa, it looked like it was gunna storm but it didnt, that's too bad.

 

Anyway...Everyone has been acting so weird around me, there is this big secret that everyone knows but me, if it's what I think it is...I'm so freaking excited. But I wish I didn't know about it, I wish it would be a real suprise. But it's ok.

 

Everything else is looking pretty pretty good. Work is work (busy like always). I'm so excited to go to LA in Sep. (remember everyone to pray for me!!!!) I'll start school and meet new people. Of coarse I'm gunna miss everyone single one of you.

But I'm having a hard time finding a new job. I NEED A SECOND JOB LIKE WHAT!!!

 

Right now I really miss my kitty Moo, she is a sweet heart and looks like a cow and cow's are my most favort animal. Even Stephanie likes Moo and Moo makes her sneeze and eyes burn.

I Love Jason! With All My Heart!<3 <3

 

HEY IF ANYONE KNOWS HOW TO PUT PICTURES ON THE LJ POSTING, PLEASE LET ME KNOW!!!!

10:35pm: I'm doing it for me.

I'm really excited that I am goin to LA. Its amazing to me. It's also scary. I don't know anyone. its like me up agenst this big city that people think its the worst place to be. 

I'm really dissapointed tho. My mom is mad at me and dosent want me to go. I have no support from her and she is tellin my aunt and grandma and people she knows that i know, so everyone thinks this is the dumbest thing i have ever done. I am not gunna pass this great opprotuntity, I dont care what they say to me, God is leading me down this road and I feel its right. actually i havent felt more right.

 My momther dosent understand. Maybe she dose but i really dont think she dose. If i dont do this, i will live the rest of my life wishing i would have, and never knowing how it would turn out. if this is a mistake, i will come home w/my head up high and my mother can look me in the eyes and say i told you so. but i wont regret doin it.

i just want her to know that i love her so so much and she is just gunna have to deal w/the fact that im goin, i just wish she can look for the good in all this. I'm not doin it to get away from everyone, or her, im not running, this is something that i want to do for myself, it's for nobody else. For me.

 

on another note. i have to spend the next couple months gettin ready. I have to pray like mad crazy and im actually looking for a second job. i think i found one, but i cant be sure untill this week. lets hope so.

I LOVE EVERYONE.

and most espically I love JASON.

3:18pm: YOU HAVE TO READ THIS!!!!YES YOU!

Dear Stacy,

Congratulations!! You have been accepted into the Los Angeles Masters Commission. After prayerfull consideration of your application and phone intervie, it is our honor to welcome you the the program. We are wxcited to see what the Lord has in store for you this coming September. This will be an incredible nine months or your life. You will see so many changes, meet so many frinds, and grow so much with God.

That was just the first part. You guys don't know how excited I am. The feeling is incredable, I want that thank everyone that prayed for this, espically STEPHANIE WINOGROCKI. Steph thanks for always being there for me. I know we havent seen much of each other, but you still are and always be an awesome friend to me.

I will be leaving sometime in september. and ill be back in 10 months. I know evenryone will miss me. But I will doing awesome things for myself and for others

. I know my life has meaning, but im not sure what it is..but i do know that this is just the begening..........

 

I just got back from Flordia yesterday. It was really relaxing. Melissa and I had fun. I was there the whole week. So I have something amazing to share w/everyone!!!!!!!!! Let me just read something short for you really quick.

 

10:36pm:

Life can be tricky. I know by fact. one day you think your car is good to go, the next day it breaks down :(

 

One day you think you found your love, Then a year later you realize you havent. :(

10:12pm: Please keep me in your prayers.

So I had my first of two phone interviews w/Aaron from LA. I'm really really excited. My next and last one will be on Tuesday at 4:30pm. I'm kinda nervous...I'm not too sure what to expect. I should find out in about 3 weeks to one month If im going to LA or not. I so hope that I do. I have to go. I have this great feeling that I'm ment for so much more. There is something big planed for my life, I have no idea what it is..but God does, and he know's what he doin. I trust him. If i end up going i will be leaving at the end of summer for at least 10 months. Man this is swesome. Everyone pray for me!

 

 I have a car now so that is exciting. Now i dont have to have my mom and sister and jason cart me to work and back.

On the down side....

 

Jason and I broke up.On March 29th. One day befor our one year. Yeah its sad. But I'm ok. I miss him though. Even tho i still see him often, i still miss him. I'll be ok tho. and ill move on. We didn't break up because of something that happened. I broke up w/him because I'm not sure if my heart is 100% into our relationship. We had/have an awesome relationship and friendship. I just have so much I wanna do w/my life, and im not sure he is the one God has in my future. I just wish it was sooner i felt this than now. its hard. I wont lie. Sometimes I even cry about it, and listen to stupid songs that make me think of him. I still love him so much, and right now for now we are just on a "break".  But I'll see where this takes me. I talked to him about it and we are both at an understanding. So that is good.

 

My sister is at a wedding  whatever and i gotta pick her up at midnight.

 

5:44pm: Long day at work. Home to relax

Okay so I had a hard time waking up this morning for work (just like every morning of the week) I didn't feel so well yesterday so I went to bed early last night. I think. Oh well. Today I'v been better. It was A long day @ work though, started out by passing meds.That's not too bad. Then I ate breakfast (some toast and OJ). After that I did my hair (yes i did my hair at work) in the bathroon...i just had to slap some products on. lol Then I made my shopping list.I had to go grocery shopping ( I hate that part of my job because I have to go every Tuesday and get enough food to feel 8 people!). Then right after I went shopping I went back to unload, Date everything, then put away. Then Me, my boss and the cl's had a meeting w/the case manager and nurse that lasted like 3 and 1/2 hours! did Doc durning the meeting.Then I came home. lol. My compleat shift 8am to 4pm.Actually pretty much every day is around that...i dont go shoping everyday and i dont have meetings every day but i always have something like Dr. Appts. and transport......AHHHHHHHHH Need something new to do.Anyway that was my day at work.

I love that i have the weekends off. Even tho I can't sleep in i still like it.

My bro Trevor is here right now. I love him. sometimes he is a brat tho.

~*Stacy*~

8:54pm: update:

I changed my mind from before:

High point of today: laying on my futon and relaxing w/a big smile on my face and a wide open heart.

 

 

~*Stacy*~

6:55pm: READY? and...........

Today:The high point of my day? Spending the whole evening alone on the futon laying down in this lonely apartment.

That was my high point...you dont wanna hear the low point.

 

This weekend:This this weekend wasnt too bad. It was really nice outside. Saturday night Me, Jason, Jamie, Dee, Stephanie, Trevor and Jessie went for a walk @ like 11pm in metro park. I live right near there. like 2 mins. It was alot of fun. We brought flashlights and we were gunna play hide-go-seek but their were alot of police in the park. They seen us walking but didnt stop us. It was after park hours so we didnt wanna press our luck. Then Sunday Morning Me Jason Jamie, my bro Yrev and Dee all went to church. YOU KNOW FOR ABOUT 5 YEARS NOW I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO GET ONE OF MY SISTERS TO COME TO CHURCH NOW AND SHE DID!!!!! I was really excited and she liked it along w/Dee (her bf) and they want to go next sunday. Then I went to my Fathers house and we went to go look at a car for me and I think I may get it. I also road a motorcycle. I am so scared of them but my Uncle Tony(dad's best friend) was there and he asked if I wanted a ride and I said NO WAY ARE YOU JOKING ME?!?!?!? and he said no.  so I went for a ride. I told myself it was something I would never do sence my dad got hurt on one.

So that is wonderfull, I got 2 things of my list of "Things to do in my lifetime"

Check: bring siblings to church (2 down 2 to go (lol) )

Check:Ride on a motocycle (it was scary)

 

So I have been spending alot more time w/ Jamie and I have been talking alot more w/my Dad and spending a lil time w/him. Its good. I'm Glad.

 

Life moves on, even when parts of you dont.

 

~* Stacy *~

4:33pm:

Love is lost. It was never here. It was never in my heart.

He said he loved me  :(

SO WHY THIS??

10:53pm: I have realized that i enjoy pepsi much better than coke. yep. that's rightI'm just sitting at home. I just made no bake cookies. They are Jason's fav. I have the cutest cat in the world ya know. I wish I could show her to you. Her name is "Moo". Thanks to Melissa that's a wonderfull name for a cat.lol

8:22pm: Can't take the wait any more
I'm starting to get disscouraged. They really need to get things goin on their end. They are making me nervous! How much longer do I have to wait?????

11:39pm: Today was a long day @ work. I had a placement and I was running all over the place. I forgot importent things for the RN and I think my boss got a lil upset. It's monday. Mondays are always like this. Always running and busy and crappy. I wonder if the weekend days were like Wednesday and Thursday, I wonder if Friday would be crappy too. Probly so.

I have this headache but the less I think about it, the less it bothers me. I am really hungry and I have no food in my house and no money to buy food. It's kinda a sticky situation. Something last mim came up and I had to take care of it. (even tho it was NOT my problem) Whatever. I dont understand.

AT least my weekend was ok. Friday I seen a movie w/ Jamie, D, Jason and Melissa. Then Saturday I helped Jamie move into her new place. Then sunday church then at night I rented a movie.

This world seems like a new place to me. Have I changed? Have they? I have no idea. I seen to be stumped in finding my way through life right now. I'm not always sure I'm making the right decision..and I never can perdict the outcome.





10 more days.

10:24pm: Somethings About You
Is it odd that when I lay in my bed...and look at thoughs stupid stars on my walls thinking about you. Or when I'm driving and I can't punch you when I see a slug bug..because your not there. Then that makes me think about you, and about everything we went through. And then everything was for nothing because you are not here.

I have to deal.

I will always love you. And I will never forget you. I just wish I could tell you that. I wish we could just have one more day with you. Or even an hour. A second. Something. Anything. But It's too late.

It was so long ago. Why do I always think about you. Why can't you come back. You will never be forgotten. I used to tell myself that I would give everything for you to come back.

I have to deal. And I will.